A parody article by Nwaka Esther
In a proper Nigerian society, there is the unwritten rule that says a child can win everything else, but an argument with his or her parents. This rule, though, not communicated with the mouth, has been echoed in the walls of every house. Ears have heard and eyes have seen. It doesn’t matter whether the truth can be seen glaring at the faces of the victims— the children; there are no medals in this game. Just succumbing and tears.
Research has shown that Nigerian parents are, in all truth, the pioneers of reverse psychology because long before Freud put pen to paper, Nigerian parents have been using this technique. Questions have risen over time as to whether the all-time champions— parents have a particular WhatsApp group where they share new and innovative ideas on how to stay ‘uncaught’ no matter the situation at hand. Hence, this research was carried on.
All Nigerian children have, at one point in their lives, witnessed this ability of the “older” generation. Despite the plainness in the words of their parents, there could be hidden meanings that have not surfaced. In times when instructions given were not clear, times when victims were curious and times when warnings were laced with harmless yet harmful statements, there are always meanings.
Abigail, our first respondent, shared the dangers of asking obvious questions and getting simple yet complicated answers. In her experience, she was ignorant of this special capability, so when her mother asked her to place the plate on her head after asking where to put it, innocent girl just did as she was asked. And of course, the repercussions came but will not be mentioned here. The translation of the statement, however, is to take the item to the kitchen.
“If you like, don’t read for your exams.” Tunde was glad to hear his dad say this. He never liked reading . So throughout the exam period, he did everything but read. As expected, the result came out in no with flying colours but T,unde did fly that day. Tunde indeed regretted not knowing the translation of that sentence. It meant “ you should read like your life depends on it.”
Other stories include parents urging their children to receive food from strangers when they have already been warned at home not to. In this case, politely reject the food till the stranger wears out. When faced with statements like “tell your friend to come inside”, “go and break your head, I will not say anything”, “don’t eat, stay there and be hungry”, “wait for me to do it for you”, it is advised to do the very opposite in order to avoid consequences beyond your comprehension.
This technique has proven to create impact locally by correcting, instructing and teaching Nigerian children basic morals and decoding abilities. With this in place, understanding George Orwell and Oscar Wilde Wilde's satirical works is a piece of cake. The impact of this technique is also global as a Canadian mother borrowed the “if you like” technique and got her son to clean up his room for the first time in three years.
From the look of things, Nigerian parents might be awarded for their contributions to psychology sciences. Till then, further research would be carried out on how they mix reverse psychology with the act of “side-eye”. Results are expected soon— if the researchers survive after interviewing test subjects.
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